Love is Patient
by rookiebluefan89
Summary: A one-shot set in mid to late season 4. A frustrated Andy shows up at Sam's house on a rainy Friday night. A Sam/Andy centric story.


**A/N: So this is just another little oneshot I put together that is plausible right now, but may not be after Thursday's episode. There are mentions of Nick & Marlo's existence (Sorry!) but I promise, it's completely a Sam & Andy story.**

**To those of you that helped me out with this, you are so much appreciated (M, A, & M)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue**

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Ever since Nick had admitted his feelings for her, Andy's been in a bit of a weird place. He's a great guy to her; a reliable, caring friend and he's decently handsome. However, until he'd said something, she hadn't thought about him as anything more than a buddy. They'd played a couple undercover and she couldn't deny that it was simple to fall into it and pretend with him, though. He may not give her butterflies, but she does trust him to stick around and be there for her. Maybe if they continue getting to know each other and she tries hard to see him in a new light, it would work and they would make each other happy. Maybe she could feel the way _he _feels.

But when she's spending time with Nick, there's always something doesn't feel right. A red flag pops up in the back of her mind every time she considers _trying _anything with another guy, especially Nick. It's like a sickness that won't heal no matter how hard Andy tries to ignore it. And that sickness… It's Sam. It's like he's always swimming around inside her brain and deep in her heart. Especially at work, where her thoughts are filled with _his_ instincts and the methods he'd ingrained in her for so long. But even now, Andy wonders how much of that was really him and how much was a version of the 'real Sam' because at this point, she feels like she doesn't know him at all.

And still, she won't deny that Sam's the last thing she thinks of before she falls to sleep at night. Her mind flips between her guilt and his pride and their despair and wonders if this is why people stop eating the good candy early. When it's gone, whatever comes after can't compare.

When it comes down to it, Andy is so sick of thinking about something that isn't there and _so _tired of subconsciously waiting to see what he'll do next.

It's even more irritating lately because Sam has been doing helpful, sweet things like bringing her a smoothie in the morning or making her coffee just the way she likes it. It's been kind of like old times, back when she didn't look at him and wonder what could've been. Andy'd heard a rumour last week that he and Marlo had hit splitsville and she's not denying that her heart skipped a beat at the thought of him being 'available'. But then just yesterday, she'd seen them walking and talking in the station so, a rumor is a rumor for exactly that reason.

Whatever his excuse, all of it needs to stop. Whether he's happy with Marlo or not with her at all, _whatever _the case may be, she's no longer letting it be her problem. This lingering stuff between them feels completely unfair and needs disappear like yesterday's news. Andy _wants _to move on now. For real this time.

It's Friday night. Not two hours ago, the day shift had ended and Sam had driven her home because of forecasted rain. Andy had truly meant to say no. She'd even prepared herself for the question when she'd noticed the clouds rolling in earlier. And it wasn't until she'd gotten home and into her pajamas that she'd realized she'd given into him _again_. Even if they could try to be real 'friends' again, nothing is fixed and nothing has been talked about. This pretty, no-faults version of their relationship is not okay with her.

This particular night, the torrential downpours had already begun covering the city. So by the time she'd caught a cab - after waiting for literally an hour and a half – Andy's all fired up. When she arrives at his place; her clothes are damp, her make up looks like crap and she's annoyed to high heavens that all of this even requires an explanation.

Andy pounds on his door until her hand beings to throb. When he _finally _throws it open, looking a little groggy and dishevelled, she nearly puts her fist through his face. For a sad moment, she considers how good it might've felt, even if it would've been accidental.

"Andy?!" She sees him squinting in the dim porch light, "What's wrong?!"

"Is your _girlfriend_ here?" Andy snaps loudly, ignoring the concern she hears in his voice.

Sam frowns and shakes his head slowly. So, she reaches out and grabs him by the elbow, yanking him outside into the rain with her and ignoring his protests.

"McNally!" He barks at her once they're down the front steps, reaching for her hand with his free one to tug her back.

She spins around, looks down at their connected hands for a quick moment before she tears hers away, running it through her bangs to pull them off her face. "You don't get to do this!" she groans, gesturing between their hands. "_Stop it, _Sam!"

Sam's visibly taken aback, his warm breath filling the air between them with a momentary thick fog. His shirt is already soaked through at the shoulders. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about McNally," he argues, staring her down with a confused look on his face. "I'm not doing anything!"

"I'm trying to move on with my life! Don't you get that?" Andy sputters, rain dripping into her mouth as soon as she opens it. Even in the darkness of the street, she can see his face turning a pale white.

"Then what are you doing here?!" he glowers loudly, the furrowing of his eyebrows sending more water down the middle his face.

"I'm just…," Andy shakes her head grimly, unable to meet to his eyes. "I'm so fucking mad at myself. I'm so fucking mad at _you!_"

Sam breathes deeply, his eyes fixated on something behind her. He sighs, but doesn't argue. Already she can feel him shutting down.

"Don't you understand? You need to let me _go, _Sam. You've made it pretty clear in the past four months that you want nothing to do with me anymore," she fumes, beginning to pace in the middle of the street. She resists the urge to grab him and shake him until he recognizes what's been happening. "And it's so unbelievably _unfair_!"

"Andy…," he protests finally, his voice sounding grave. She can see him rationalizing things; in a reminiscent way she can _feel _him wanting to say something about it. But eventually, he peels the devastated look from his face and shrugs. "I thought we were friends."

Andy scoffs, rolling her eyes. "For once can you just… tell me truth, Sam," she pleads with a disbelief that she's even considering asking him this. But his wet hair is drooping down onto his forehead and he's barely been able to meet her eyes since he's been outside, so she looks at the ground and does it, nearly choking on her own words. "I need to know," she swallows, her voice dropping an octave, "Do you ever want _us_ again?"

Andy waits. His eyebrows jump in surprise, but he doesn't answer. The next time she looks up, she feels a clutching in her chest. His expression is almost as dejected as the night she left to go undercover. But he even as she waits and watches, he still doesn't attempt to reply. It's like a knife to her heart.

"Exactly," she points out sadly, "So _let me go_! Stop doing whatever the hell _this _is and just let me live my life because you've sure as hell moved on with yours," she demands, her voice cracking. She can't even tell how much she's crying… the tears and the raindrops becoming a wet mess on her face. "_Please, _Sam."

At this point, Andy's not even sure what she's pleading with him for. There's a huge part of her that wants to smack him, the rage making its way through her body with the realization that he hasn't changed. But there's also this one spot right in the middle of her chest that sees through him; sees that he's just so scared of opening up, even if she can't understand why. _That_ part is screaming at her get up on her toes, wrap her arms around his sad shoulders and hug him until he stops hiding. Already, she feels guilty as hell for screaming in his face for the past ten minutes.

"I'm sorry," Sam murmurs miserably, taking a few steps backwards.

Andy shakes her head in defeat and watches as he falls blankly onto the soaking wet steps behind him, his elbows coming up to rest on his sweatpant-clad knees, his forehead hiding in the crook of his elbow. She's absolutely drenched now; a chill running up her spine as cold water hits every inch of her skin, and another when she acknowledges the somber mood between them. The street stays quiet and empty as she listens to the sound of the storm slowing around her. Andy thinks of the last time she stood out in the rain with a broken heart, remembers this feeling like no matter what happened, it wasn't ever going to heal. Sam had acted similar to the way he is now… fearful and closed up; never letting out a single word that could show his true feelings. It's when thoughts of Jerry enter her mind that Andy decides not to leave, as much as she wants to. Instead, she walks towards him and waits.

After a minute, Andy breaks the silence. "Sam," she says carefully, placing her hand on his shoulder.

When he doesn't answer, she kneels a little, fists gently at the back of his head and tilts it upwards. He doesn't resist her. In the dim light, she notices his bloodshot, puffy eyes. It makes her stomach twist. Then suddenly he sits up. Andy gasps when he gently tugs at her arm to pull her in between his thighs, his hands moving to grip her hips and his forehead leaning in to rest against the damp shirt at her stomach.

She's unsure of what to do at first; it's the first time she's seen him in such a vulnerable state. It's a really strange feeling, the thought that maybe she's in the right place at the right time. Like maybe he's cracking and she can finally be the one to make sure all the pieces don't hit the ground and shatter.

When she puts her hand on his shoulder, she feels him shaking, just slightly. Her hands find the back of his head and she smoothes his hair down for a couple of minutes. His grip tightens periodically, nuzzling his head against her stomach, and appearing to allow her to comfort him. Because of this, Andy spends most of the time feeling flustered and stunned as well. Her heart hasn't felt this _full _in quite a while, and she's not sure what to make of it.

It's only minutes later when his grip finally loosens, slanting back to free her from his grasp. Taking his cue, she sits down beside him just as the rain lets up. They wait in silence together. Sam won't look in her direction just yet, but he does mumble a quick _sorry_ before dropping his face into his hands.

"Don't apologize," she tells him calmly, overwhelmed by the feeling that she needs to touch him but can't.

He sits up, looking over at her for a quick second before turning back to face the road. "Uh, look," he starts awkwardly, his shoulders tense. "Um…, I'm not great at this whole _talking _thing."

"It's okay. Neither am I," Andy admits, smiling when he looks over and gives her a small grin. He still looks nervous, but his shoulders visibly relax and thankfully, his eyes aren't so puffy anymore.

His elbows come up to rest on the step behind him as he leans back. "I thought I could do it," Sam confesses, sighing loudly. "I thought I could prove you and everyone wrong and… move on," he shakes his head, staring up into the cloudy night sky.

Andy nods, leaning back to take the same position. "But?"

Sam swallows audibly. "_But,_" he sighs. "Um… you know…," he trails off, tipping his head towards her as if she was the reason. Andy's eyes widen at his confession.

"Um... Can I ask you something?" she mumbles apprehensively, trying hard to keep her tone casual.

"Hmm?" he murmurs, eyebrows raising up towards his hairline as he glances over at her, "Yeah, shoot."

A deep breath of air fills her lungs before she can continue. "Did you ever trust me?" she presses carefully.

Her unanticipated question makes him shift around a little. She's just spent a lot of time thinking about all of this; finally hearing the truth is a really big deal to her. "I did. I do," Sam corrects, and she can't help but feel an immense sense of... something. Relief, maybe. "Even before, it wasn't what you thought... you just terrify me." Andy frowns, confused. He meets her eyes before he continues, "You don't even know the amount of…. _power_ you have."

Andy exhales. She tries to leave it alone; tries not to bring up her name but, "Sam, you're with Marlo…?" She probes gently, not wanting him to close up when they've gone this far but still needing to know how any of this makes sense.

"I _was_," he admits apologetically, confirming the rumor, "But I wasn't." She watches his shoulders shrug, hands fidgeting in front of him. "She's nice, you know? She's a good person," Andy nods in agreement, silently urging him to continue. "But I never…," he trails off, a grim expression on his face. "She was just a fun person to have around sometimes. It wasn't hard and I thought I could be a 'good guy' for once and…," he pauses again to take in a deep breath, lets it out a moment later. "Not the idiot I was to you."

The corner of Andy's lip curls up, just a bit, in surprise that he's opening up to her like he is. Even in his own backwards, hesitant way. It still means a lot. "You _are_ a good guy, Sam," she mutters lightly, a small breeze sending a chill up the back of her shirt. "Always have been."

"Wasn't good enough," Sam murmurs a moment later, so faintly she almost didn't hear him. Almost.

Andy stares at him, confused. "What do you mean…?"

Sam blinks, his eyes remaining downcast. "After Brennan," he chokes a little on the name, as if maybe he hasn't had to vocalize it in a very long time.

The feelings of guilt continue to swim through her veins when Andy thinks about what he's been though lately; with Jamie Brennan, with Jerry's sudden death, with her leaving him, _twice,_ through all of it … the remorse slowly shifts into a faint nausea. Andy wonders briefly if he's spent the past two years trying to forget about it. It's another sad reminder of how much she doesn't yet know about him. The thing is, after she'd come back from Temagami, she could _feel _how angry Sam was at her. But after that first night, it was never brought up again and she'd assumed he was over it. It's only now that she's realizing maybe he hadn't been over it at all.

"Sam, I…," Andy lays her hand on his thigh, jerking it back when he cocks his head to meet her eyes. "That's not true," she tells him, continuing when he shakes his head like he doesn't believe it for a second. She can't believe how desperate she is for him to trust her at this moment. "It's not. You meant more to me than _anyone_."

Their eyes connect for a few seconds, until he huffs a quiet laugh and head drops in defeat.

Andy shakes her head sadly. "No, look at me," she demands, staring at him, "_Christ, _Sam, _look at me!" _she repeats, reaching over and getting her palm against his stubbly jaw to turn his face towards her. He just looks so worn out_. _"You really thought I _left_ you? After Brennan?"

Eventually, he nods, his eyes wide. "I guess so, yeah."

"Wow," Andy shakes her head, dropping her hand from his face. "We _suck _at communicating with each other, you know that?"

"Yeah, I'd say that's pretty obvious," Sam smirks, a genuine smile this time.

"I really did think I was doing the right thing," her voice is slow and quiet, palms running slowly up and down her thighs. "I thought you understood why I left," She's getting more and more choked up by the minute, just imagining how it would feel to have him right there in front of her in ways she never dreamed, only to lose him again the next day. It would be the worst feeling in the world. And then to hear him say that he thought he wasn't _enough _for her, it brings tears to her eyes. At the time, she'd figured she had two choices; Sam now and no job later, or Sam _and_ her job later. God knows she had to go as far as North Bay to keep her away from him, just long enough to get through the suspension. It wasn't easy. "I really am sorry."

Sam nods, and then leans forward to nudge her with his shoulder when she won't meet his glance. When she finally looks over, the corner of his mouth has raised into a small smile.

"It's okay. I believe you," he says gently, using the calm tone of his voice that Andy loves to hear. That voice is one of the things that reminds her of how much she's missed him. The way she feels when she hears it - it's something no one else has ever compared to.

Andy sniffs, sending him a small smile. "Okay."

They sit in contented silence for what feels like a few minutes, watching as the clouds move out and the stars begin to show up in the sky. Their conversation has felt more free-ing than any conversation she's ever had. For the first time in a really long time, it feels like he's being honest with her. Like maybe is the real Sam. There's a hope inside of her that's she starting to understand him and the reasons for why he was how he was with her. It feels promising in an alarmingly pleasant way. Terrifying and optimistic all at once.

"I don't think I'm the person you see in your head. The person you wish I was," he admits warily, a minute later. "I, um… I don't think I'll ever be."

Once again, Andy is dumbfounded. The continual awareness of how much she'd be neglecting his feelings, how much he'd been holding back. "I… _Sam_," she tries to reason with him, sitting right up and searching for his stare. "That's what think you I want? I love you, I… It's not about a perfect mold or version of you. It's just _you_."

His eyes flash with a glimmer of _something _inscrutable and that's when Andy realizes she'd confidently and without-a-doubt used present tense. But he doesn't tease her or say anything about it, just nods in understanding. He's still the one to break the silence a couple of minutes later.

"You wanna be with Collins now, don't you?" he questions despondently, tilting his head to look in her direction when she doesn't respond right away.

Andy's shoulders lift in a small shrug. Would she be with him? There's a good possibility that she'd try. Does she _want_ it? "He likes me. He's nice. And funny," she confesses apprehensively.

"He'll treat you well," Sam agrees mildly, his hand scratching through the hair at the back of his head. "But, uh," he pauses as if he's uneasy, biting the inside of his cheek and fixing his gaze onto her eyes. "He'll never… _care_ about you the way I do. Alright?"

Her heart races at his confession, specifically his present-tense admittance that he's not over her. She shifts to put her hands between her thighs so that she doesn't do anything stupid right now, like reach over and grab him. "_Sam_…"

He shifts to sit up also, holding up a hand to ask her to let him talk. "Just let me get this out okay?" Andy nods quickly in agreement, her hands gripping together in mild fear. "I'm sorry I never showed you enough," he murmurs, "How I feel about you."

Andy bites her lip to distract her mouth, until he looks up expectantly and she scrambles to find the proper words. "I don't… I mean, I really don't know how you feel," she admits nervously.

Sam smiles, sticks his tongue in his cheek for a minute like he does when he's unsure of what to say. "I... How do you explain this stuff in words?" he chuckles anxiously. It makes her feel about a hundred times better that he looks as scared as she does right now. "What I guess I could say is… since I met you, you've been the _only one_ I've ever really needed... or wanted... in my life."

When their eyes meet, Andy's are glassy again. It's still shocking to hear. "Okay," she smiles, her chest still tight with amazement and admiration.

He grins and cautiously shifts his entire body an inch closer on the step, so that they're sitting thigh-to-thigh. The soaking wet feeling of his track pants against her jeans would probably feel gross if he wasn't so wonderfully warm. His gaze is immovable, his arm slipping onto the step behind her so that their upper bodies connect.

She tries to think of Nick, his confessions to her and the fact that he'll be hurt if she goes through with this but… It's _Sam_. That's the only explanation she can come up with when he's staring at her with a _wanting_ in his eyes. There's a definite anxiety in her soul right now, this feeling like _if you do this again, he could break your heart_. Somehow it still feels like a risk worth taking, like a rule meant to be broken.

Andy swallows, suddenly nervous to be this close and also glad her hands are still wedged between her thighs. She takes a glimpse in his direction again, only to find out his face is _right there, _his heated eyes focused on her lips. When he breathes, she feels it against her cheek and lips, sending sparks of warmth to the pit of her stomach and lower. His wet shirt clings to him and she can't help but look for a moment at the planes of his chest, trying not to let her mind get away from her. Her heart thuds at million beats per minute in anticipation and all in all, Andy's not feeling too chilly anymore.

She waits, hears their breathing sync up and that's when Sam finally leans in the rest of the way, their lips meeting for the first time in months. He kisses her so softly and so carefully that she almost melts into the pavement. Andy had never pictured herself as one of those embarrassing women who cry when they get kissed but this time, she definitely feels a tear running down her cheek. It feels like something she's been waiting for for _so long _is finally here, in front of her. It's undeniably emotional.

Sam's rough palm slips against her jaw and around to the back of her neck to keep her where he wants her, but it's Andy who parts his lips and works her tongue inside his mouth. Their lips move together as he leans closer, deepening the kiss in a way that has her moaning softly against his mouth. It's after she sighs that that Sam's other hand lands carefully against her thighs in a way that feels deliciously reminiscent. Their kisses begin to pick up some heat; his tongue stroking against hers while her palms feel their way up his solid chest and around to his shoulders.

When he lazily moves back out of her space a few minutes later, Andy accidentally follows his lips, groaning in slight disappointment when she opens her eyes. He grins as he peels her hands from the fists she'd made in his shirt, still keeping his legs woven against hers. "I don't want to do anything you don't want to do," his voice is rough and unsure, but the look in his eyes is indisputable.

Andy nods in agreement, biting at her bottom lip to attempt to control the smile forming across her lips; the pure delight she feels inside slowly creeping its way out. "Well, guess you better tell me what _you_ want," she tells him coyly.

Sam grins again, using her hands to tug her towards him so she that has to wriggle her body into his to get comfortable. He moves in closer again, tilts his head so that his lips just graze hers when he finally, _finally _says, "Us."


End file.
